Category Archives: Profiles

Mark Kilborn

Mkilborn

Name / Twitter handle:
Mark Kilborn / @markkilborn

What do you do now?
I work for Activision. I’m one of the Audio Directors for the Call of Duty franchise. I get to work on games that are heard by millions of people. I get paid to record weapons and vehicles, to make neat sounds, to work with musicians and voice actors. And I’m surrounded every day by people who are just as passionate about gaming as I am.

Birth place:
Santa Ana, CA

Where in the world are you now?
Madison, WI

What’s your favourite video game of all time?
Metal Gear Solid

What was the last game you enjoyed and why?
Papo & Yo. It dealt with subject matter so rarely touched by our industry. It’s refreshing to play games that deal with real world stories and problems, not just blowing things up.

Describe some of the bullying you experienced.
It manifested in various ways. Teasing due to my weight or being a “nerd” because I played video games (ironically even the so-called “cool” kids play them now). Occasionally there was a bit of physical intimidation. There were girls who pretended to like me, only to embarrass me when I reciprocated for the entertainment of their friends.

When did you manage the bullying?
Sometime around 8th to 10th grade, it’s been a while. The turning point was discovering that I was good at something. That allowed me to build confidence. By learning more about sound, learning an instrument and making music, I had something to value in myself. Bullies are largely effective because your self-worth is tied to the perceptions of others. When you take control of that and define your own self-worth, their taunts became far less effective. And when they’re ineffective, they get bored and move on.

What effect do you think bullying had on you?
It was a major turning point in my life. Had I not found that spark to build a fire of confidence, I can’t imagine where I’d be right now. I know it wouldn’t be good though.

How is your life better now?
It’s better in every way. I get paid to do what I love every day. I met a wonderful woman who also plays games, was a guitarist in a metal band, has tons of tattoos and a hilarious sense of humor. We have kids we love dearly. We collect video games and have almost 2,500 of them. I live in a nice house, drive a nice car… my life now is 100x better than it was in high school.

Some people look back on high school or college as the best years of their lives. For me, those years were just stressful periods on the way to a much happier life. The rest of my life will be the best years of my life.

Did you think your life was ever going to be this good?
Not when I was in the thick of it. I hoped it would be this good, but I didn’t think it was realistic. Looking back, it all seems perfectly realistic. I put in a lot of effort and I ended up with a great reward for it.

What would you like to say to a youngster thinking about getting into video games who is experiencing bullying right now?
I won’t lie to you, getting into the games industry is difficult, but it is realistic. You just have to focus and work hard. Work towards it in some small way every single day. Use whatever talents you have as a source for your confidence, and don’t worry about what others think of you. You determine your self worth, you determine your future. While they’re bullying people and being popular and doing whatever it is that bullies do, you focus on building a better life for yourself.

School is nothing like the outside world. Out here, all that matters is your abilities and your results. So if you invest in yourself and become amazing at what you want to do, you will find success and live the life you want.

 

Stephen McGreal

StephenMcGreal
 
Name and Twitter handle?
Stephen McGreal. I don’t have a Twitter handle (but could get one if it would be useful to people?)
 
Birth place:
Cambridgeshire, UK
 
Where are you currently residing in the world?
Surrey, UK
 
What’s your favourite video game of all time?
There’s an old game called Chaos, that came out on the ZX Spectrum in 1983. It’s a turn-based strategy game about duelling wizards summoning creatures to attack each other, and it’s brilliant. It’s really old and it looks terrible by today’s standards, but it’s great fun. The guy who did it is working on a remake, which is pretty exciting.
 
What was the last game you enjoyed and why?
There are newer games that I liked, but the one that keeps me coming back is Minecraft. You can play it however you like, from a lone-wolf survival horror FPS to a massively multiplayer collaborative city-building game, and pretty much everything in between, and however you want to play it, you can just get lost in it. For months, sometimes…
 
Please describe very briefly any of the bullying you experienced.

I’ve been the perpetrator of bullying as well as the victim.
 
In primary school, I was the bully. I was socially awkward, clumsy (which made me frustrated), and smart (which made me bored), and had “stuff” going on in my home life. I didn’t feel like I had a lot of control over my life or my body. So I used to lash out at other kids, and at teachers. 
 
A teacher introduced me to programming in BBC BASIC. Having control over a thing without the mess of human interaction or the constraints of physical dexterity had a massively soothing effect on me, turned me into a nerd, and set me on the path that I’m still following to this day.
 
In secondary school, I was bullied, for being a nerd. I wouldn’t say that it was severe, but it was there, and it kind of soaked into every strand of my everyday life. Although on a few occasions there were kids who instigated fights, I had a reputation for being scrappy, and fearless about giving bigger kids as good as they got. I rarely started fights, always ended them, and was not challenged to rematches. The verbal abuse was reasonably constant though, from a handful of kids. I never found a way to make that stop.
 
The really pervasive bit was the sense of social ostracism from the other kids as a whole. I was a computer nerd, and as such was unworthy of friends (except the three other computer nerds, none of whom I particularly liked but we stuck together because we had nobody else). Once, when the school ran a mock election, I stood as a candidate and spoke in front of a room full of kids who thought I was a twat (which was tough, but, I thought at the time, character building). The candidate who came onstage after me eschewed his talk of his policies in favour of calling my sexuality into question. Four or five hundred kids laughed. It was only when it transpired that one of the “cool kids” was also kind of into computers that I had the beginnings of a social circle open up for me. By the time I got to college I was popular, and accepted, although crippled with paranoia and self-harm issues that took a few more years to get out of my system.

When did you manage the bullying?
Do you mean when did I experience it, or when did I overcome it? I experienced it as a perpetrator during primary school (between the ages of about 7 and 11), and as a victim throughout secondary school (aged 11 to 16). Even though my situation improved after I left school, and I wasn’t bullied (and didn’t bully anybody else), it took me until my twenties to really feel better. The difficulties you face in school can come from other sources as well as bullying – a difficult home life, a lack of confidence in social situations, self-doubt, paranoia. Being a kid and a teenager is tough, and anybody who says otherwise is lying, or has forgotten what it was like. As I went through my college and university years, I found friends who accepted me for who I am, I found more confidence in myself and better ways to cope with what the world threw at me, and slowly but surely, school just faded away.
 
What effect do you think it had on you?
I was an unhappy kid anyway, but the bullying didn’t help. It’s impossible for me to say now how much of how I felt came from the bullying and how much came from my own awkwardness at the time. But, you know, I went through phases of wearing black and cutting myself and writing really terrible poetry. I contemplated suicide. I felt paranoid and isolated and worthless. I thought that things would never get better.
 
What do you do now?
I program games :) I made console and handheld games for a few years (including some Harry Potter games and some Grand Theft Auto games – which your parents shouldn’t be letting you play, by the way), and then I decided that mobile and social games where what I really wanted to do. I like the smaller teams and projects, it gives me a really good feeling that I played a big part in each game that comes out. Tomorrow I’m starting a new job at a company making iPhone and iPad games, which I’m pretty excited about. Also, I found a soul-mate girlfriend a few years ago, and became a dad a few months ago, which I suppose is my real job now, regardless of what I do for a day job. It’s pretty exciting.
 
How is your life better now?
The biggest thing is that I can look back on that time when I thought things would never get any better, and know that they did. And although my life isn’t perfect now, I know that I can make sure that things will keep getting better. I’ve had great jobs, and continue to do so, and they help pay for a nice flat and cool stuff to fill it with and interesting hobbies. I’ve played in a bunch of bands, built robots and synthesisers, planned and performed my own massive fireworks displays, won prestigious prizes, made a thousand people laugh all at once, made games that millions of people have enjoyed, and met some of my childhood heroes… I’ve got a decent amount of friends, including some really good ones who I know would do anything for me (and they know I’d do the same for them). I’ve got a beautiful girlfriend and an awesome baby boy. I’ve got confidence. I know myself well, and although I’m not proud of every little thing about me, overall I know that I turned out pretty well. 
 
Did you think your life was ever going to be this good?
Nope, I had no idea. For a long time I thought that things were never going to get better, or that I’d be dead before I experienced anything good. But life, even at its darkest points is a fantastic adventure.
 
What would you like to say to a youngster thinking about getting into video games who is experiencing bullying right now?
In school, it’s the kids who are introverted, smart, creative, or just different who the bullies consider to be easy targets. Out in the wider world, and particularly in careers like the games industry, those are the exact same people who can really thrive. Amongst the people who make games, being a “nerd” or a “geek” is a badge of honour rather than shame, and some – maybe most – of the most talented people I know were bullied in school and overcame it to go on to have fantastic lives and careers. We turn thoughts and ideas into fun that’s enjoyed by millions, we get to work with other people who know what bullying is like and work against it to be respectful and supportive. If you get into games, you’ll be in good company. And although life isn’t a competition, you’ll generally find that the people who make it their mission to be the most feared kids in the playground will find it a lot harder to find their place in the world than those who have a passion for something and want to see it through.
 

Charlotte ‘Chaz’ Conopo

Charlotte conopo

Name and Twitter handle?
 
Charlotte ‘Chaz’ Conopo / @BlueBerriMoon
 
Where were you born?

Northampton, UK

Which part of the world are you in now?
 
Birmingham, UK
 
What’s your favourite video game of all time?

Legend of Zelda Majora’s Mask- it’s that amazing I have the mask tattooed on my foot!
 
What was the last game you enjoyed and why?

Pokemon White 2- because it was (and very embarrassingly) the first Pokemon game I finished!
 
Can you describe some of the bullying you experienced?

The bullying was more mental than physical. It was happening in secondary school, when I was having to go through my parents divorcing in 2001. What made it worse was that people found out that my Dad was gay so I got a lot of names called because of him coming out. Being gay at that time was shocking and frowned upon by some so I had to deal with major family issues at home, with surrounding family members and who I thought was my best friend decided to blurt this information out. It started a few years of feeling worthless, helpless and eventually suicidal. Also because I was a student who kept their uniform neat and actually did work in class, people decided that I would be perfect for their ‘abuse’. After dealing with that, I still got bullied by people for unknown reasons. Some friends decided to turn on me because I wouldn’t hang out with them, so it wasn’t until I left for college that I actually felt like I could be myself without being judged. I had no self confidence either as people at school called me the usual names of ‘ugly and ‘fat’, which then moved on to just taking the mick out of my surname and other things. 
 
When did you manage the bullying?

ASAP. I started seeing a councilor in school hours a few months after starting secondary school and the bullying began. I told my tutor about what was happening, and then he forwarded me to a group within the school grounds. I went there every week just to talk about how things were at home, but that quickly ended when my councilor got a job far away. My next tactic was actually playing computer games when I got home. I didn’t trust anyone with my problems so playing a game removed me from the real world to another where I felt safe.
 
What effect do you think bullying had on you?

The bullying made me very paranoid of others opinions about me, my actions and bought out the feelings of suicide so many times. I felt alone, unsafe, insecure, worried and useless. It also made me feel like I couldn’t trust anyone at all. 
 
What do you do now?

After graduating in Concept Design from Staffordshire University, I’m now working for Dojit Games.
 
How is your life better now?

Apart from graduating, I’ve moved out, found myself someone who loves me for who I am and I’m surrounded by family and friends who support me.
 
Did you think your life was ever going to be this good?
No, never.

What would you like to say to a youngster thinking about getting into video games who is experiencing bullying right now?

Keep strong. It might sound strange but playing your favourite game and making up stories helped me cope. I used to sit and play Legend of Zelda for so many hours making up my own adventures just to forget what happened at school. You will discover who your true friends are if they stick by you through thick and thin. Also it might sound like a bad idea but report the bullying to someone you can trust. Being bullied is horrible and scary especially if it happens every day. No one deserves to be bullied and those who bully will get their comeuppance one day. That’s karma for you.

Rami Ismail

Rami ismail
 
 
Name and Twitter handle?
 
 Rami Ismail / @tha_rami
  
Where were you born?
 
The Netherlands.
  
In which part of the world do you currently reside?
 
The Netherlands
  
What’s your favourite video game of all time?
 
Metal Gear Solid.
  
What was the last game you enjoyed (feel free to list more than one!)
 
Dishonored, Antichamber and Clairvoyance.
  
Can you describe some of the bullying you experienced?
 
Bullying was constant – as it seems to be for most creative and intelligent kids. My things would be hidden, I’d be shoved around and told I was weird.  I taught myself to bury emotions away as deep as I could. Of course I did not want to show I was ‘weak’ or ‘bothered’. That’s the way a young mind works, and all I really wanted was to fit in with the cool kids. The most vivid memory I have is one of the few friends I had back then walking up to me and telling me I’d no longer be invited to his birthday party, because we were no longer friends or the other kids would find him lame. 
  
When did you manage the bullying?
 
By the time I turned fourteen, I had enough of pretending to be strong, or wanting to fit in. I had hoped college would be better, but things just continued to be terrible in general. I decided to intentionally flunk most of my tests so that I wouldn’t pass the year and I could start over in another class.  When that worked out and I went to school for the first day in that new class, I decided to no longer take any abuse and instead of trying to adapt to what people felt was cool, just to be myself. When I wrapped up college, I was the honor student that got to do the final speech on behalf of my year.
 
What effect do you think bullying had on you?
 
Managing the bullying was such a relief. I learned to never adapt to societal norms, never yield to anyone you don’t want to yield for and never take any abuse. More importantly, I learned to be myself. I sometimes look at a picture of my younger self and wonder why I ever thought I was doing something wrong. I was just being me – and they couldn’t deal with the way I wanted to learn, work and explore the world. Ambition is scary to those that do not have it – and seeing someone achieve something through hard work is terrifying to those who believe they will achieve great things through being lazy. 
 
What do you do now?
 
Nowadays, I am the Business & Development Guy at Vlambeer, an award-winning two-man indie studio in the Netherlands. Besides that, I developed presskit(), a tool many indies use for their marketing and I spend my time equal parts working at Vlambeer, giving talks around the world and with my friends and my amazing girlfriend.
 
How is your life better now?
 
My life is great. It’s busy, it’s stressful and I work long days, but I do what I love without compromise. I spend my days making games I am extremely proud of, I’ve won awards on national and international levels, I’ve given lectures at universities, I’ve traveled around the world, I’ve been in the New York Times, on national television, in magazines I used to read as a kid. 
 
Did you think your life was ever going to be this good?
 
I still don’t quite believe it.
 
What would you like to say to a youngster thinking about getting into video games who is experiencing bullying right now?
 
The reason you’re being bullied isn’t because you’re different – it’s because your bullies can’t deal with that. You’re most likely smarter, more creative or more ambitious than those that bully you. You, unlike them, have the ability to see the world through a perspective most people could never see. That gives you the capability to do amazing things, to see the world in a different way, to achieve things no one would ever think of. It gives you the power to create things – whether those are games or anything else. Spend your time honing those skills, finding people like yourself and reaching out to people you respect. You’re different – but that’s actually something amazing. It’s something to be proud of. Just don’t forget that you’re not the only one – that you are not alone.